I get bored easily, 🤔🥴
戇撚鳩食賓周
屌你老母芝士漢堡
傻閪螺絲批
屌你家姐快過揸車
我 有 少少 意識 係 乜 度 .
- 意識 = Kesadaran
- Aku lumayan nyadar itu sih
你 一 入鏡 嗰下 自信 呢 . . .
- Tapi pas lu di dalem kamera, kek level kepercayaan diri lu
真係 只 能夠 四 個 字 . . .
- Beneran cuma butuh 4 huruf…
冇 得 鬥氣 .
- Ga bisa bersikeras…
- Intinya berpasrah doang…
Together, “鬥氣” (dau3 hei3) literally means “to compete in spirit” or “to fight with attitude.” However, its actual usage is more nuanced:
- It often refers to a situation where two or more people are being stubborn or petty, refusing to back down in an argument or disagreement.
- It can describe a state of mutual anger or resentment, where people are giving each other the cold shoulder or refusing to speak to each other.
- Sometimes it’s used to describe a competition of wills or a battle of egos.
Fear, im in fear of everything, I can’t seem to calm myself when I have a lots of deadlines and things I can’t achieve.
Decision, I don’t know what I’m gonna be in the next several years.
Procrastination, I known things aren’t going well If I didn’t do it, but I can’t seem to stick with one plan and just run that for the entire day.
Lack of self-esteem, I have a really really low self-esteem, and that what makes me being to lovely to everyone. I see myself as a tool.
I feel like there are at least 3 people inside my mind.
I don’t have memory gaps, but I feel like there is a figure that keeps asking me to do something I don’t want. It always asks me to do something over my capability. It always asks me to do something I feel like I’m not doing.
It’s just like I feel like this voice never stops. His opinion heavily sounds like my father, it sounds like its giving something illogical sometimes. And If I didn’t do what he told me to do, he won’t just stop.
He will be there, just talking talking like a fucking alarm, it’s so annoying, It can’t stop until I do what he told me too.
And it makes me anxious, I’m unable to do activities which I think best if he is here.
It keeps screaming screaming screaming screaming.
Keeps shouting “do it, do it, do it”
It doesn’t have sense of urgency and time adjustment.
It doesn’t grasp any justification my true self do.
Exploring my Other Identities: An untold story
I never tell this to anyone, but I thing I’m diagnosed with DID, it’s not that all the identity takes over at once, they work together. They speak.
The Joker (ESTJ)
The social guy, he is basically me during weekends, and sometimes can stay when I don’t have anything to do, he really likes to learn new stuffs, he likes languages, he is there when I’m taking social tests, speaking tests, present everything to the public, keeping my social life up.
What I don’t like about this guy:
- He’s lazy, he really likes to play dota, he really likes to play games.
- When he play games, he’s stupid, he’s not creative, he stops thinking and lighting up fire in my life.
- He’s really nice, he loves his family, I love this guy. He’s been part of an important identity of my whole life. He’s kinda smart as well, but not as smart as an identity I will tell you later.
- He likes to do stupid things, he likes to try new things, he likes to join new things, he likes to bring up old hobbies, he has millions and millions of hobbies.
- He gives some stupid intrusive thoughts, including some really stupid and some illegal ones.
- When I finish eating, he keeps me from being lazy.
- But the thing is, he’s actually loving us, he loves the body.
- He’s very creative. He likes to write. Write write, even at this point, he’s writing this himself.
- He’s keeping me mentally sane
- He’s earned me some crazy good roles
- He’s earned me friends.
- The joker hate appraisal.
- But he likes attention.
The Voice (INTP)
He’s my source of achievement. He’s really smart, the smartest among us. He knows everything, He has a very low self-esteem. Everytime I want myself dead, it’s because of him. He doesn’t like joker. But Joker knows Joker is nothing without him.
The voice sometimes maintains the relationship with some higher people, The voice likes to get praised, he really likes appraisal, he really likes appraisal.
He wants us to always stay dominant. He wants us to always stay in the line.
When Joker handles live too harsh, the voice screams. Screams. Screams. Screams so fucking hard that all of us shut up. Basically no one can stop him when he screams.
And when things get greasy, he screams louder, louder, louder.
He’s always been like this. Even when things goes well at the end, he always thing he deserved the appraisal.
He’s the source of my will to do.
He’s the most diligent. He is the one who runs the ideas that joker thought of.
He is the source of persistent, consistency.
He is the source of ambition.
He is very loud, he likes to eat.
What he knows, is just to eat and work eat and work eat and work eat and work.
He doesn’t care about our body.
He cares about what we will become if we dont work.
Everyone loves him.
The Narrator (ISFP)
He… doesn’t speak. He is deaf. He listens, he is there to prevent us from dying. He loves my parent so much, he loves my sister so much. He is a very brittle person. He cries a lot!
He never really acts, but he is the one who always gather us when thing goes non sense. When I hit rock bottom, he’s the one telling joker: It’s okay. Just do your thing.
He’s the one calming down the Voice and let him do his things slowly.
He is the wise. He listens and thinks, and arrange things for us.
He rarely shows up, he only shows up when things have calmed down.
When your family comes, when things get emotional, the narrator always there.
Lol if you think this is some nonsense joke, you can go away.
What you think as a joke for you is a none for me.
I can’t picture or visualize them. But I can hear they voice.
They are there.
Now you know my personalities, now you know where they came from. Now you get to know me more.
Bye, The voice has calmed down and we decided to follow him for now :), we can’t work without him anyway. HAHHAHAHA!
