Hocky Yudhiono

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3 minute read

The Awakening at 19

Something shifted when I turned 19. Games—the thing that used to swallow hours of my life without a second thought—suddenly felt hollow. I’d boot up my favorite titles and feel… nothing. Not frustration. Not disappointment. Just emptiness.

It wasn’t the games that changed. I did.

The Productivity Trap (Or Is It?) 🔄

Adult responsibilities don’t ask for permission—they just show up. Suddenly, every hour spent gaming felt like time stolen from something “more important.” But here’s the thing that nags at me: How can I dislike something I’ve never tried?

I found myself drawn to new activities. Things that felt different, things that engaged me in ways pixels on a screen couldn’t anymore. And you know what? I actually enjoyed them.

But productivity is a strange beast. It promises fulfillment but often just trades one screen for another.

The Loneliness of Evolving 👥

Here’s what nobody tells you about outgrowing old hobbies: your friends might not come with you.

I have friends with weird, wonderful hobbies—none of them matching mine. When I invite them to try what I’m into now, I see it: that glazed-over look, the polite “maybe next time,” or worse, complete silence. The same puzzled expression I probably gave them when our interests didn’t align.

We’re all just ships passing in the night, anchored to different ports.

The Roblox Generation & The Addiction We Pretend Not to See 📱

I watch kids glued to Roblox, and I see myself at their age. But I also see something darker: the early stages of what we’ve all become.

People getting addicted to something—anything. It’s not just kids and games.

It’s adults and their phones. It’s the “super invested, super locked in” mentality. It’s ignoring everything else when you’ve found your digital dopamine.

TikTok. Twitter. YouTube. Gaming. It’s all the same drug, different dealers.

A Day in the Digital Prison 🔒

My routine looks like this:

Wake up 😴 ↓ Scroll (X, WhatsApp family groups, Discord with IRL friends) ↓ Work (9-6, absolutely exhausting) ↓ Mental drain 🧠💀

  • 8 hours staring at monitors
  • Eyes burning
  • Brain foggy
  • Soul slightly dimmer

↓ Gym & Run 🏃‍♂️💪 (The only time I’m not looking at a screen)

The Screen Fatigue Paradox 💻

Here’s the cruel irony: I work on screens all day, feel completely drained, and then used to “relax” by… staring at more screens? Gaming felt like rest, but it was just shifting from one digital prison to another.

My body doesn’t want screens. My habits still reach for them.

What I’m Learning 🌱

1. Growth means leaving things behind—even things you loved The controller that felt like home at 17 might feel foreign at 19. That’s not failure. That’s evolution.

2. Not all “unproductive” time is wasted But not all “productive” time is meaningful either. The gym doesn’t make me money, but it gives me back my body after work steals it.

3. We’re all addicted to something The question isn’t if you’re addicted—it’s what you’re addicted to, and whether it’s adding to your life or subtracting from it.

4. Friends don’t have to share every hobby But finding people who get your new interests? That’s the real challenge of growing up.

5. Screen time is a currency And I’m spending it like I’m rich when I’m actually going broke.

The Uncomfortable Question ❓

If I’m too drained from staring at screens to enjoy staring at screens… what am I actually doing with my life?

Maybe that’s the question that separates 19 from 18. Not the answer—just the courage to ask.

Still figuring it out. Still scrolling too much. Still running to feel human.

What’s your screen time saying about you? 👀

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