Hocky Yudhiono

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3 minute read

Money Isn’t Universal (And I’m Just Realizing This)

I learned something new today that honestly should’ve clicked way earlier.

Everyone’s relationship with money is fundamentally different. For some, it’s:

  • A nice-to-have ✨
  • A must-have for peace of mind 🧘
  • A safety net — security against ever returning to a state of suffering 🛡️
  • A way to escape from their family’s shadow 🦋

I finally get why people who already seem stable still push so hard to achieve more. It’s not always greed. Sometimes it’s trauma.

23 and Still Learning Social Skills 😭

Yeah, I’m 23 and just now learning empathy and social skills. Feels hopeless honestly.

Day by day, I’m discovering what goes on in the heads of people who are:

  • Unconfident
  • Reserved
  • Closed off

It’s a constant process of reflect and refine. I’m fucking doomed. 💀

Being a confident person in society means knowing exactly how to navigate without overstepping boundaries. It’s a tightrope walk.

My Circle Was Too Closed Off

Here’s the thing: most people in my office never had to be the breadwinner growing up. Their parents retired with money. They were privileged.

I’d never directly interacted with someone who literally had to give xx% of their income back to family — all the way up to grandparents.

This made my empathy blunt as hell. 🔪

Someone called me out: “Isn’t it too late to only learn this once you actually meet people experiencing it? You were in denial until reality smacked you in the face.”

Fair point. Ouch.

What Nobody Taught Me

No one ever explicitly told me: “These people are chill, but they can be sensitive when talking about money and living freely — even when they have more savings than you.”

It’s not trivial to figure out! 🤯

You can’t just casually bring up these topics. You need to probe their actual social status first.

Greed vs. Legitimate Fear

I used to perceive people’s obsession with career and money as simple greed, obsession, something that society build to pressure others.

Turns out, it’s way more nuanced:

  • Some want to retire early to spend time with family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦
  • Some are trying to escape their parents’ shadow (even if the parents are well-off) 🏃
  • Some are traumatized by past hardship and never want to return to that state
  • Some genuinely hate when people bring up their personal life, career, money, or especially when others flex their wealth

This last two groups? I completely overlooked them. Some people are so traumatized they can’t stand these conversations and even offended by it.

Shit. Noted. 📝

The thing is, you never knew how hard someone works, because each person experience different things throughout their lifetime, and also empathizing someone else over something you personally haven’t experience yourself, is not easy.

It’s the simple thing as working while studying, or doesn’t have a chance to do something small that you never notice, like helping parents at their shop when you are supposed to take classes, studying lessons and everything.

Rich people like me and some others will never feel.

Respect the mindsets of people who grew up in different social conditions, especially those who’ve had to carry the burden of supporting their family (or partner) from a young age.

These people are all around us. We just don’t always see them. I overlooked this thing because most of the people I’m surrounded with doesn’t have this as a problem.

Keep Your Brutally Honest Friends Close 🗣️

Here’s an unexpected keeper: people who are blunt and even gossip a bit.

Why? Because they’re usually the ones who’ll tell you: “Hey, Person X was offended when you said Y” — even when Person X won’t say it to your face.

This feedback loop makes the reflect and refine process so much easier.

Not just blunt though — they need to be perceptive too. Being blunt but dense is useless.

I used to avoid these people. Turns out, they’re essential. They’re the reality check you didn’t know you needed. ✅

The Real Question

Will you actually listen when these blunt friends call you out?

Fortunately, in several cases, I’ve thought about it… and yeah, it brought real life lessons.

TL;DR: At 23, I’m still learning that everyone’s different in ways I never bothered to understand. Money trauma is real. Confident navigation requires empathy. Keep honest friends who’ll tell you when you’ve fucked up. Better late than never, I guess. 🥝

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