Silent Treatment
I like to silent treat people. I believe that's the best way to dim your anger. My silent treatment can last from hours to years. There are some people in my life where I choose to silent treat them infinitely. Either because I still can't forgive them or I find that they are annoying and I don't want to interact with them.
Compared to screaming, threatening, or even physical, I believe silent treatment is better. Think about it, if you're angry with someone, most likely they are angry with you too.
To be honest, I feel like this is developed because of my family, friends, and the Internet.
My Family is Toxic
Ever since I was small, there are certain values in life that are planted by my parents:
- They are always right.
- They can do or ask anything to you, because you literally grow up using their money.
- They have the rights to know everything about you, even if they don't like it, there's a risk you have to take the punishment.
- If you are wrong, they have the rights to physically harm you.
Reading something, I figured out that there are certain boundaries that I must not cross:
- Berusaha mengekspresikan diri sendiri — Otakku teriak: ini bahaya lho! Kau bisa di-cancel orang tua.
- Ada boundaries pribadi — Kau kurang bersyukur, kau hidup dengan uang kami.
- Membuat kesalahan — Berhak menerima sakit dan hukuman
- Perasaan diri sendiri tidak ada artinya jika itu melanggar pendirian mereka. Menangis dan marah pun tak boleh, itu artinya melawan. Aku pernah suatu hari melawan sangat keras hingga dikeluarkan dan ditinggal di jalan seharian.
Jujur, aku kira mereka berubah, tapi ternyata sama saja. Yang berubah hanyalah aku. Satu satunya yang bisa kulakukan adalah
diam
Diam di titik mereka tidak perlu tau apa yang kurasakan, kupikirkan, dan ingin kusampaikan. Aku tahu hal apapun yang kusampaikan memiliki risiko besar untuk menjadi salah. Hal paling baik untuk mengurangi risiko tersebut adalah dengan diam.
- Didn't get me hit
- Didn't start an argument
- Give me the only thing I want, a risk to do be judged wrong
Speaking up is stupid if you know it won't change the outcome.
Harassment victims are not weak. I hate money. They make the wrong right.
So there you go, I started to develop some personal traits which I found super useful, even in daily life:
- I like to write down my feelings and thoughts instead, it makes me calm and able to analyze where my fallacies are.
- I silent treat people when I'm angry. I found that this behavior stops me from being arrogant. No one wins the argument if there's no argument in the first place. I have infinite time to calm down myself, assess the situation, and see what's triggering my emotion and decide in a longer period of time on what I should do to calm myself and fix the relationship.
- I am able to manipulate people. I found some life hack about pleasing people. People really like you when you agree with them. Being able to surpress my emotion is a good thing, because I can lie about my opinions, preferences, and views. Saying something that I don't agree in is my first resort to please someone.
I feel peace, safe, and being in solitude is good for me. I don't need people's validation because I got validation from writing down my feelings. I don't wanna be like my parents, where they think their experience is good enough, never listen to people, always wanna talk. Agreeing with someone somehow just make them spill all of their opinions.
I build everything, exactly according to what my parents taught me. I'm their perfect creation!
